A note about the authors.

Ah. You've stumbled across our google existence... 

Welcome. 

Whilst they are meticulously collecting, bundling and selling data on the sorts of things B.Wrecks and myself are interested in for blatant marketing purposes, let me take a moment to qualify a few things about ourselves and our often shit intentions. 

We're two people, united by a common spite and love of sarcasm. I guess we owe this legacy to Napoleon. You know, that angry little dude. Yes; together I'd say we wouldn't stand much higher than 10ft tall, and so to say we suffer 'little dude syndrome' is not quite an understatement. In fact, we're going to use it to justify our behaviour. 

You, of average or above average height have only yourselves to blame. Our attitudes are shaped by the way you metaphorically and literally look down upon our straightened hair. Quick wit and vicious words are simply a way of overcompensating for our vertical challenges. If our blows are low, it can only be because we can't reach any higher than your crotch. 

We plan to overcome our inferiority by hiding behind a computer screen and calling you dense, bland or clichéd. Still, you will validate your internet existence by worshiping our majesty, holding us in high esteem, and following us religiously. 

In return, we make only one promise -  no one is safe. 

Napoleon turned the armies of the French Empire against every major European power; and we propose to turn you, of the blogging community, against your neighbour. This is the new world wide web. We need be your only information source.

In the time it has taken to write this post, Google will have concluded that stumpy is a little dude interested in all things related to world domination. They will flood B. Wrecks' email with amateur porn and sell him products concerning DIY and interior design. 

So there you have it. 

Read it and weep.

Because your tears can only cleanse us.

x.stumpy.